FFM 2017, July 16 - Life Insurance

After a summer vacation of doctor's visits, new medication, loneliness and pain, June was deliriously happy about returning to school. It was a beautiful autumn day that felt nothing like autumn, with the sun shining from a cloudless blue sky. The parents all drove their kids to school - some dropped them off quickly by the gates with a kiss and a hug before hurrying off to their own jobs. Others walked them hand-in-hand all the way into the school, exchanging pleasantries with the teachers and seeming almost unwilling to part from their children. Her dad was definitely one of those: he was pushing her wheelchair, even though she was perfectly capable of rolling it herself, chattering in the way he usually did before getting emotional.

"Here we are. I'm going to go talk to Mrs. Rutherford for a spell, okay honey?" He left her in her merrily buzzing classroom, already filled with classmates and parents.

There were adults everywhere, so she wasn't surprised when she saw a heavyset man with a scruffy beard sitting in Elsa's place. Elsa was her best friend, and although they hadn't been in touch much all summer due to the complications with June's condition, she had been looking forward to seeing her.

"...June?" The man said, sounding oddly uncertain for an adult. June wasn't very used to talking to adults who weren't her assistant, family or doctors, but she had been raised to be polite.

"That's me! Are you Elsa's father?" But if that was Elsa's father, then where was Elsa herself?

"No. You've seen my father." The man answered, furrowing his brow in a way that made him look really scary. "You know what he looks like."

Of course I know what Elsa's father looks like. Why would I ever have thought that this man was him? Silly me! Then it came to her, worming its way inside her. She stared at 'Elsa', who looked back, a picture of uncertainty. Before June had time to scream, hyperventilate, cry, or otherwise make a mess of herself, her dad was by her side, together with Mrs. Rutherford.

"Honey, honey - I'm sorry, I wasn't told..." She turned away quickly into his embrace. But not quickly enough to see the look of hurt in the man's face.

"I was going to make the announcement when everyone had left." Said Mrs. Rutherford apologetically. She was fiddling with a piece of paper, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"What happened to Elsa?" June asked, between sobs.

"This is an awful thing to explain to children so young." The teacher complained, but was silenced when her dad gave her a look. "Oh, very well."

June didn't fully understand it, but apparently 'Elsa had been attacked' by a crazy man, and she had 'succumbed to her injuries' (whatever that meant) at the hospital afterwards. But luckily Elsa had a 'life insurance' installed in the base of her neck that let brain be saved, and then 'transplanted into the assailant's body'. Although June wasn't entirely sure on all of the words, the meaning was clear. Mrs. Rutherford made the man she insisted on calling 'Elsa' stand up in front of the class, and explained:

"This is now, temporarily, how your classmate Elsa looks like. The insurance company is working on building a replacement, but these things take a lot of time: years, in fact. Until then, she will continue in school using the body of the one who tried to kill her. All the time, 'Elsa' stood there, submitting to their stares.

June couldn't believe it. She refused to. She shied away from the man until Mrs. Rutherford moved her to another desk, leaving 'Elsa' alone at a two-person desk with only one chair. Everyone looked and whispered and stared - and how not to? There was a man in the room, a man who was a stranger, and not a teacher or assistant. A man who looked like he might kill little girls, given the chance. Halfway through class, 'Elsa' got up and left. Mrs. Rutherford looked like she was going to stop her, but one look at the broad frame of the man and the teacher stepped aside. He looked back once, in the doorway, at June, but June refused to meet his eyes.

That was the last time she saw Elsa. She heard that she still went to school, but in special ed now, away from prying eyes. But June wasn't seen much in school any more either. Her condition grew worse, and she had to change her meds again, to one that made her nauseous at night and aggressive during the day. Then again to meds that made her not feel her limbs. The doctors hovered over her bed. And then her dad, leaning in to kiss her, tears in his eyes. The meds made the days go by in a blur, but at least they numbed the pain. For some reason, she remembered hearing the following - or perhaps she dreamt it?

Why can't there be a donor?! Why only for murderers - it doesn't make any sense! Ethical reasons be damned, she's a child!

June thought of Elsa, and cried. When her dad came to comfort her, she told him: "Tell Elsa I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Her dad just looked down at her, and she remembered him saying: "No. I'm sorry." Then she felt his hands around her throat.

It took two years to grow her new body. But every time during those two years that she looked at herself in the mirror, she remembered her dad's last words. She still wasn't sure she was ever going to forgive him.