FFM 2011, 18.7 - Social Pariah

Learning how to avoid social pariahs is an instinctual thing, something you pick up in elementary school. It's a matter of self-preservation; don't look, don't join in, but don't step in either. If you do, you'll be next. Maybe it's an instinct in yourself that you loathe, that you consciously fight: well bully for you (no pun intended). Most of us aren't that strong.

One would think it'd stop after high school, but it doesn't. It still happens in college, among people who're supposed to be adults. I don't even know the kid's first name, but the name on his dorm room door is Card anyway. A. Card. I heard from a friend that the reason he never goes out when it's sunny is because he's got some kind of skin disease that makes him burn really easily, but I still find the stark whiteness of his skin kinda freaky. He dresses all in black too, some kind of goth I guess (doesn't he know that stuff's been out of fashion since 1999?); but then again I've seen him at the laundromat wearing just regular jeans and things so maybe he's not that hardcore.

But hey: just because your day-life is spent inside doesn't meant you can't have a wild night-life, right? Wrong. The guy's got no social skills. I once sat next to him at the bar when he tried to chat someone up (or maybe he was just making conversation, I dunno), and God the stuff that poured from his mouth. Can't he just talk about normal things like a normal person, and at least, I don't know, cut his hair and try to do something about those pimples. Did I mention he's not exactly a looker either? He's not fat, I'll give him that, but his arms are as thin as some anorectic girls I know.

The real social-pariah thing started with a rumour though, probably stemming from the whole goth-clothes, white-skin thing. That he'd secretly be a vampire. This was probably around Halloween, and people thought it'd be a fun thing to spread around. "Hey Card. Why don't you dress up as a vampire" Haw haw. "Oh, you're one already?" Snort laugh. "Charm any chicks and drink their blood lately?". Worst thing is, he kinda took to it, and did dress like a vampire that Halloween. I really wanted to facepalm like old Picard at that: you don't give in to the bullies, you kick them in the balls!

Guess he was starved for attention though, and this at least gave him a bit of it. Maybe teasing is better than being completely ignored, I don't know. He should've gotten out sooner though. By next Halloween, some of the jocks had decided they'd dress up as vampire hunters – you know, Van Helsing, Blade, those guys. Partially they were going after the Edwards on campus of course, but I knew Card would be getting his too. I just hoped he'd had the foresight not to dress up as Count Dracula again.

I was wrong. I dunno what possessed me to wander into the dorm where his room was – maybe it was just morbid curiosity, maybe it was my sense of guilt after seeing two of the 'vampire hunters' sneak out of there, beer cans in hand, laughing about something. I dunno. I found his door open though and, again, I dunno what possessed me, but I actually peeked in. He was sitting on the bed, gripping his chest, and for a moment I thought I saw blood and panicked a little.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked, and he looked up, staring at me with eyes milky from crying. Goddammit, I felt sorry for him, but not sorry enough to want to see an ostensibly grown man cry.

"I'm okay. They just wanted to stake me I guess."

I noticed then what the blood was – he was holding a stake, probably a plastic novelty item, with something red smeared over the end. I could picture the scene clearly, the jocks towering over Card, forcing him down on the ground while aiming the stake at his chest, threatening to impale him...for the first time I felt anger, instead of just fear.

"You should take it to the Dean." I managed, wondering if I could perhaps still run off.

He smiled a little (he had buck teeth too, the poor bastard – he really couldn't catch a break could he?), then shrugged self-effacingly.

"It's okay, they're just playing. Just like me." His room was pretty messy, like all the boy's rooms, but I could see the pictures on his desk – mom, dad, dog, family. The childhood posters of bands, the stack of video games and movies. I took it all in. It was heartbreaking – he shouldn't be out here, he should be somewhere else, somewhere safe, where assholes on sports scholarships couldn't get to him.

The feeling was short-lived, though. I'd already put myself in enough danger just by peeking in here – what if he'd talk to me the next time we meet, what if he'd get the idea somehow that this makes us friends, or even acquaintances. The thought made my selfish, evil little heart freeze in terror.

"I'll just...get going then. Good you're okay." I turned to leave, and pretended I hadn't heard his last words, spoken at my back.

"Guess I am a vampire, really. Just with all the weaknesses and none of the strengths!"